Celebrating Women's Month with Six: Lessons from a Libertine
Women are not dramatists nor lovers, but as one who has searched intimately and felt with instinctive sympathy the fibers of their hearts.
H. Ellis
Large Reclining Nude (The Pink Nude) (1935) by Henri Matisse
“Out of all the infinite numbers in the universe, why do you associate yourself most with the number six?”
Six is not just any ordinary number. It's a poetic number. It holds a special place in nature and symbolism. Mathematicians and scientists can vouch for that. It's both composite and perfect, which makes it pretty unique. And you can find its presence in many aspects of life. From the taxonomic kingdoms to the basic elements, from the colors of the rainbow to the symmetry of cells and the strings of a guitar, six is everywhere. Hell, even the Star of David and the infamous 666 are connected to it.
But, personally, six represents the number of months my relationship with most of my lovers lasted. It’s my tribute to them. It takes about six months for me to get to know a person intimately. That span of time is usually more than enough for me to enjoy the turmoil of romance. Decision to go beyond a six-month relationship means I really like the person--I’m willing to give up my six-month streak for that person because that’s how comfortable and intrigued I am of him. To break this streak is rare. Not because I’m very impatient nor because my attraction for that person has waned. I’m just naturally migratory--like a bird. And often, highly versitile. Moments of intimacy or heartbreak are all but golden passages that entwine me to my lovers eternally. In that span of time, I’ve loved each of them heavily. The letting go is, to me, the most selfless act essential to Six and to many great women I know.
I've got some amazing friends who may not have a romantic bone in their bodies, yet I can vouch they make incredible lovers. Most of them seek long-term companionship, not necessarily for romance or starting a picture-perfect family. Times have changed. Women now long for the freedom to explore our sexuality and intellectual pursuits. We're no longer solely dependent on our partners for financial security. And our role in society has expanded far beyond producing heirs and offspring.
To some degree, many women still try to unravel the mysteries of men's minds and actions. You guys might not realize it, but we understand you sometimes better than you understand yourselves. We know what triggers you, your habits, your peculiar impulses, and your aversion to confrontation and interrogation. We grasp your inclinations toward primitive thinking. We let you "hunt or chase" us, protect us, or provide for us not because we're incapable, but because we know these gestures please you and give you a sense of purpose. We're quite skilled at picking up on social and behavioral cues, almost like it's in our DNA. However, the big dilemma we modern women face daily is the resistance of our mates to put in more effort in understanding our unexpressed needs and wants.
Dance I (1909) by Henri Matisse
Embracing a more progressive perspective on love and sex comes with its challenges. Unfortunately, there are still plenty of narrow-minded men out there who hold onto traditional beliefs about women's roles based on outdated socio-cultural expectations. We've moved past the clichéd, passive, and submissive archetypes like "damsels in distress," "manic pixie dream girls," "princesses," and "madonnas." In this changing world, we want our partners to see the depths of our souls and minds. We want them to love and respect the growth and changes that molded us over the years. We want them to celebrate our flexibility and humanistic qualities. Just like men, we long to be understood. A one-sided need of men to be understood is both unfair and frustrating in our part. Life and human ideals are constantly evolving, and rigidly conforming to societal norms rarely holds up in a natural setup.
Nature has a way of pushing for change. This constant resistance of some men to accept modern women will most likely backfire on them in the long run as many of us are no longer content with simply complying to traditional gender roles. Besides taking on our huge responsibilities as mothers and muses and lovers, we want excitement, freedom, danger, art, science, philosophy, absurdity—everything that life has to offer, just like men do. While we do our best to preserve and salvage doomed romantic relationships, we often find it difficult to tolerate being shortchanged. Mixed signals, petty excuses, and the notion of letting "boys be boys" no longer hold weight for us.
I've noticed a recurring theme in stories shared by remarkable modern women. That is, their confessions of their mixed feelings of love for their [often] ambiguous partner. Women's confessions of love are not solely for the sake of love itself, but often as a means of unburdening themselves from the weight of their unexpressed emotions. We've become masters at freeing ourselves from the heavy burdens we carry. Most of the time, we do this not only to seek reciprocation but also to move on. We have our own goals too, and we no longer feel the need to invest excessive time and energy into men with unclear intentions. Trust me when I say that, while we maintain our softness and loving nature, we have also grown stronger. We will find a way to move on and adapt swiftly when we leave you—or when you leave us.
We follow only the laws of nature. The hole unrequited loves, short-term relationships or any kind of relationship leave us are forever cherished and treasured. Endings introduce us to extraordinary individuals who surprise us and leave us hopeful that one day we'll find someone who will patiently strive to understand who we truly are and who we can become.