Dearest Viking Mom

by Peter Bialobrzeski

Dearest Viking Mom,

How’s it going? I hope Oscar the Grouch stopped being mean to you and that you've settled nicely into your new apartment. I really can't wait to visit you soon. I've been missing you and the girls a lot. As such, I've been thinkin about going back to Spain 3 or 4 months from now. I've also been thinkin more about not thinking…

A week ago, Dr. Hiroshi, some collaborator science guy from Hiroshima, offered to help me finish my projects at his university in Hiroshima. The offer is for next year and it seems sound and stable. It was really nice of him to take interest in my research. I felt like, the least I can do is to go the lengths and finish the project proposal so he can continue it with or without me, the reason being that, at this point, I am still not sure if I am ready to dive back into academia just yet. Plus, it's still pretty early to give him a definite answer.

The reason why I am writing is because I could really use some of your motherly wisdom as I feel like I am at a crossroads—should I take the linear road? or should I take the extreme one? If I were to ask you or Laura about this, you'd probs both say, "Def, you deserve it, move to Japan!" And I'd probs say, "Ofc you two would want that. You two are very practical and, well, I think I'm the complete opposite..."

Right. I forgot to mention option B. Option B came to me in a moment of epiphany. Actually, just 9 hours ago, when I woke up. I'm rooting for option B since it seems like a more fun option than moving to Hiroshima. Come to think of it, both options seem like a win-win. Anyway, option B has something to do with Madrid. Did I mention I lived in Madrid for 3 or so months last year? I was housed with this ehm some kind of an Asian chef lady who goes by the name of Janet. Yes, this is some kind of a Vic outta this world story and here it goes…

So Janet takes care of the elderlies, mostly filthy rich widows in Madrid. But before that, she used to work as a private chef for some fancy lady who's apparently a big shot socialite of Madrid. I'm not so sure what happened to the fancy lady but I heard she's on her last leg. Now she gets her nourishment through a tube that's why she no longer depends on the services of poor old Janet. Janet became my friend (and I hope it’s not just because we're both Asians) and last year, she was pushing me to start a food business with her. I was considering it then but I had to move back to Barcelona after my English studies. Before I left Madrid, Janet was still all gung-ho about doin' business together. She had this unwavering confidence in her cooking skills and the potential to rake in the dough. To be honest, I'm not sure why she wanted to partner with me. I'm no food expert, and my only exposure to business is watchin' my workaholic Chinese uncle run his empire. I'll tell you though, I'm pretty good with money. I've never really had any major financial issues, even after leavin' academia and takin' up part-time gigs. Perhaps I'm some kindufa a money magnet or something...

Ugh, I'm at a crossroads, Ina. Maybe I should take both roads? If option B doesn't work out, then I'll always have option A. Haha. Why didn't I make option B option A if I'm opting for option B??

If you're interested in learning about my priorities, I'd say the top in my list would be to just have all out fun. You and Laura would always tell me that before considering fun, one should also consider money. But what if money is outta the equation? I'm not saying I'm filthy rich, but like I said, I've got this knack for attracting money. Being completely broke is not in the cards for me. At this point, I just can't afford regrets. Hiroshima seems fun but I've been knee-deep in science for as long as I can remember. I don't wanna be so one-track minded like how most squares think. I don't want to believe that the road to success is linear.

The other day, I was watching some random YouTube videos and I stumbled upon this interesting commenter. I often don't give af about comments but this particular commenter seemed pretty swell and knew what he was talkin about. He seemed to be an old guy, I imagine someone nearing his retirement. He mentioned in the comments that he has a relatively smooth middle-class life of work, career and family. He felt that, looking back, his life had been boring-safe in an unexamined way. And I quote, "I can see now that I was following the rules set by others (by others, I guess he meant others who pattern their lives in a standard boring linear way). Restricted within those guardrails, there's more in this world than that safe path...an adventure of sorts." Then he went on saying, "I need to listen more to my inner voice...when I get those questions of "Hmmm, is this it? How come it's not as great as they say it is? There must be something not right with me?"" He was probably dealing with some sortufa first world bougie life crisis as, generally, people in poverty wouldn't even come close to thinking like he does. People in poverty just die. The end. But perhaps it's not a matter of class. Perhaps, at the back of our minds, we all have that great fear of reaching his age and regretting some of the life choices we made.

You're Norwegian, Ina, someone who may have come from a long line of Vikings who lived epic adventure-filled lives. Would you say you're living without regrets? Unlike the old man in the comment section, I've been enjoying my life so far, even on normal days. This led me to believe that perhaps I truly have found joy inside.

FYI, the random video I was watched was about one of my favorite Vietnamese authors, Ocean Vuong. One of my favorites he wrote is On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous where he explored his identity, sexuality, and culture. In an interview he said, "The road was never made with me in mind so I had to step outside my car and turn around."

Something like that…

Thinking of you always,

XX