C/d'Aragó

January 16, 2022: Moving in week

Carrer d'Aragó's neighborhood is beautiful, my apartment, most especially. It resembles the 19th-century Art Nouveau architecture—heavy on organic lines carved on our towering steel doors, high ceiling, balcony railings, and mosaic tiles. Pure magic.

Ahhhh my first Mediterranean home. Finally. I can settle down and, once and for all, forget about bitch Linda. I still can't believe I spotted a classy-looking spacious apartment for a fairly handsome price! Suddenly, I felt square and fancy as hell. I couldn't help but throw a house-warming party.

On the first weekend of my moving-in week, I invited everyone over. Bolivians, Spanish, Catalans, Russians, Ukrainians, Serbs, queens, and queers—everyone was welcome to celebrate and gather on my big, fancy ass terrace sprawling with Caro's lush vegetation. I’m telling you, C, It was a feast for the eyes.

I wanted to show my newfound friends a taste of Asian hospitality so the night before the party, I went grocery shopping to buy food for the guests. Not only is the apartment approximately 700 meters away from the iconic Sagrada Familia, it is also less than 300 meters away from OrientalFoods—an Asian supermarket with a chock-full of, well, oriental foods.

First thing I noticed when I entered OrientalFoods was the sweet aromatic smell of anise wafting through the air. I whispered to myself, "I'm home! I'm home!"

I never thought I'd go nuts over Thai green curry, Pad Thai, roasted sesame seeds, sesame oil, soy sauce, rice vinegar, oyster sauce, patis (or fish sauce), peanut sauce, chili paste, miso paste, kimchi, nori, lumpia wrappers, soft tofu, Japanese pork sausages (ironically made in Germany), dumplings, Samyang noodles, udon, chocolate matcha balls, soju, sake, Yakult, Thai milk tea, green tea, and, of course, rice, all kinds of rice—sticky rice, wild rice, black rice, Basmati, Jasmine, you name it. Fuck paella and chorizo sandwiches. Nothing beats oriental foods.

Here's the kicker, though, C. Moving to Europe somehow made me feel even more connected to my Asian roots. It's like a whole new level of embracing my heritage.

***

January 22, 2022: Party time.

I whipped up some salmon sushi, miso udon soup with button mushrooms, and a couple of pork sausages for the guests. I set up the table with all them goodies and popped open a bottle of chilled soju and some ice-cold beers. Tay, being the fabulous soul she is, brought a bottle of vermouth, oranges, and olives. Albina came through with a bottle of cava and some spiked chocolate chip cookies, while Zava was all about the Estrella Damm beers—tons and tons of them!

Not being stereotypic but right away, one can tell a person's nationality by his/her beverage choice. Mediterranean folks like the French and Spanish, for instance, lean towards wine or champagne, while our Slavic friends often go for tequila, gin, or vodka (maybe those strong spirits keep them warm during long, cold winters?). As the only Asian in the bunch, I tasted all drinks served. They were all spectacular for a social drink–erm alcoholic...

As the night progressed, everyone got drunk af. Forget about PC, Taski, the nicest Serbian bitch I know, started mocking my chinky eyes and the Asian culture, "Asian women are sooo beautiful," he said, playfully squinting his own China blue eyes. Then he went on asking about fluffy slippers and if Asians eat cats and dogs.

I didn't feel derogated in any way as most PC dawgs tend to feel when attacked with these questions. My grandfather used to eat dogs back when he was in the Military Academy. Lola as well. I don't know why. Maybe it's a cultural thing, maybe they did it out of peer pressure or curiosity or starvation…Nevertheless, because Taski started roasting the Asian culture, I started roasting the West as well, joking about their delicate digestive systems, their love for toast and cheese, and their spiking covid cases. I even brought up our Spanish ancestors and how much they messed with Filipino culture and morale.

"Until now, we still reap the consequences of colonialism. It took a heavy psychological toll on my people and it takes a long-term process for them to heal from it. My people still suffer from slave mentality. Most of them are unaware of it. They elected a fascist leader because they would rather follow orders from a psycho mafia boss than live a life on their own terms." The alcohol made me feel intellectual as square so I kept going even though I was losing my train of thought.

"And the West says, we're all in this together but the sad truth is, we're not all in this together. They treat Asia as well as other developing nations like their bitch, a market for their growing economy but they never cared about us. It's all just fake Western bourgeois propaganda, a thing that keeps Westerners’ moralistic balls hot and the Earth's climate even hotter." I'm not sure if what I said made any sense, but everyone seemed to agree with me. It was a wild ice breaker, that's for sure.

Then out of the blue, Zava started sharing the messed up history between Ukraine and the Soviet Union. Now, Albina was right there, sitting next to Zava but she didn’t seem uncomfortable at all. In fact, Albina seemed to openly absorb the attacks Zava had on Russia. I could tell that Albina was not a fan of Russian history save for the top-notch Russian ballet and opera scenes. It's telling a lot about the Soviet Union and the old violent ways of Russia…

I couldn’t resist cracking a joke, so I turned to Albina and said, "Do you think it's the climate, Albina? Maybe the cold is messing up your leaders' brains and constantly turning Russians dry and depressed as hell..." For a moment, Albina turned stone cold silent. I got a bit scared until she started laughing again.

Damn these bloody Russians. You can never can tell when they are being serious or joking.