C's POV

by Vinca Petersen

Dear S,

I wish for you to continue writing to me daily even though, these days, it is an unconventional way of communicating. Letters express a profound language of the human heart which cannot be verbalized in simple phone calls. Indeed, the art of letter writing, while much in demand of a comeback, is, unfortunately, like all good stuff in the 20th to early 21st century, leaning towards extinction.

In my pastime, I’d spend a hefty deal reading and re-reading each and every email you send me. Every letter fills me with hope and joy especially in my moments of darkness. If I could write back every time I receive a letter, I would but, more than writing, I enjoy trespassing your thoughts and sentiments. Yes, I am guilty of trespassing. I indulge in peeking inside the lives of others. That is what I am and I think I’ve told you about this guilty pleasure of mine a million times in the past. In a sense, though we are far apart, your letters serve as a window of your reality that somehow draws me closer and closer to you. And dare I say, you have one heck of a rollercoaster of a reality. Thank you btw for allowing me to trespass your mind. In turn, I will, for a change, share a window into my day-to-day…

What can I say? Nothing much is happening around here. A year here can be summed up in just one letter. Unlike yours, time here is stretched. Like frozen in time kind of stretched. I’m still debating on whether or not slow living is a good or a bad thing. In the case of extreme slow living, like any other kind of extremes, must be a terrible thing, don’t ya think? Even up to now, we do things the covid way, meaning, the over the top precautionary kind of baloney way. Most things are still done online and I must admit, I am drained and mentally fed up from all things done cyberly…It eats you inside, S. It eats all the humanness left inside of you.

The only thing I’m forever grateful for is that the two of us are not born in an era where technology is a central thing that governs people’s lives. At least we still got to smell the sunflowers, dance in the rain, run wild in the streets and experience profound human emotional interconnectedness when we were kids, right before all cyberly hell broke loose. Real human interaction is running dry in our modern day even though many claim we’re more connected than ever before. Tell me S, if we’re more connected than ever before, then why do I feel like we’re not? Why do I feel like we’re actually lonelier and more depressed? I am afraid that the cyber world has turned us artificial, more artificial than AIs to the point where we’re now so confused on how to truly function as human beings. And to think humans are so afraid of the day AIs will rule the world when in reality humans have always been the rats in the system...

Before I get too carried away with this topic, I wanna confess that one other sole reason why I find it difficult to write to you daily is because, unlike you whose life is so fast-paced in the first world, I’m just beginning to carry on with the life I left here prior to covid days. Admittedly, I don’t know what to pick up since I’ve already forgotten what I’ve left behind. That's why my progress has been quite slow and my days are probably more black and white than yours. I’ve been feeling anxious getting out of bed and my insomnia is worsening. It probably has something to do with the fact that I’ve grown so afraid of what’s next to come. There’s so many unpredictable things happening around the world. As a matter of fact, I would no longer be surprised if tomorrow, rising sea levels finally swallows the whole Philippines.

It is a struggle to remain grounded, S. Most days, I just feel like curling up in a ball, forgetting about everything in the present moment and going back to the times when everything was A okay. The truth is, unlike you who’s so thrilled with unpredictability, I am afraid. So afraid of the unknown. Sometimes I yearn for an off-grid kinda life, far away from humanity and the expectations of society. Come to think of it, perhaps we’re similar in that sense. Knowing you, whether you’re speeding up or slowing down, I can tell that you wouldn't want to be held back by societal expectations like, for example, at our age our folks and most our friends would ought to say we gotta be married, we gotta have kids, we gotta be earning this amount of dough, we gotta have our own house and property, we gotta get things sorted out yadda yadda ya…I guess I’ve found something scarier than the unknown. And that is, the expected...

The pandemic only highlighted the things we feared most. I am just beginning again, S, yet sometimes I feel like I’m falling behind. Indeed, one of the strange paradoxes of my life. I wonder if you ever feel this way even though your concept of time is probably different from mine. Do you ever feel like you’re falling behind, S? Or because you’re in a more progressive type of society, do you ever feel like you’re going with the grain, the rhythm of modern times? It seems like only those who are fully present in the moment, living their lives to the fullest, can truly keep up with the pace of the modern age. I wish I could attain that state of bliss again. It wasn’t so difficult to be in that zone when I was young. Perhaps because when you’re a kid, you feel like there’s no tomorrow and that there's so many new things to live for so you cherish every breath you take. Once you reach a quarter of your life, everything becomes all crusty and dry. Then, out of nowhere, you slowly feel age creeping in and getting the best of you especially on days when you’d see the early 2000s fashion like bell-bottoms and oversized t-shirts hot in fashion again. I tell ‘ya, whenever I see kids in the streets wearing the clothes we used to wear in the early 2000s, I tell myself, goddammit, that’s it. I’m done for. I’m an old hag and as worn out as my generation’s fashion trends. I don’t wanna wear bell-bottoms again, S. I don’t think I’d fit in those jeans anymore. Sadly, I don't know which jeans still fit me. That's probably the first sign of aging—losing touch with the generation you belong to. One day, you feel young, and the next, you feel a bit too old to be young. Do you get me, though? From your stories, I think you’re one of the few young souls who will forever be free to do whatever the hell you want and still rock bell-bottoms and ripped jeans when you're 40.

Speaking of generational cycles, even though you're not interested in politics, I'd like to share what's happening in the Philippines today. In a few weeks, we'll have the long-awaited presidential elections. I mentioned generational cycles because you're probably aware that one of the leading presidential candidates in online polls is Mr. Castro Jr. You may be more familiar with his father, the late corrupt dictator Mr. Castro Sr., who pushed our country to the brink of extreme poverty.

I’m sure you of all people are already privy to the many atrocious crimes committed by the Castro family so I won’t go into details of that. I’m sure you’re also privy to the many tactics the criminal family has been using to cover up their dirty history through fierce social media propaganda campaigns, aiming to brainwash the masses and convince them that their family is still a good catch and are still fit to rule a country in deep shit.

Because of the recent poll results, many of our countrymen are already anticipating a rigged presidential election. Despite it all, our people are still holding on to the small hope given to them by the only promising progressive presidential candidate who’s also in the lead in recent polls, our current VP, Mrs. Lany the Pink Lady. I’m telling you, S, because of this Lany Lady, in the past weeks, most streets nationwide have been screaming pink. Whether or not Lany wins, one thing is certain: many of our fellow countrymen are waking up to reality and demanding a leader who can, through grace and virtue and a remarkable track record, miraculously turn our dire situation 360.

After seeing most of our streets painted pink, I couldn’t help but feel hopeful, S, and you know I’m not one to feel this way since most days I’m apathetic about politics. Of course, the people’s hope is only as fragile as butterfly wings and can easily be torn apart by a possible resurgence of a corrupt political dynasty. Even though I remain hopeful, I am already preparing myself for the worst. Not to sound pessimistic all of a sudden but, sadly, that’s the way it has always been. The majority of the registered voters, after all, are those who live below the poverty line. In other words, those who are most vulnerable to government control and manipulation. Doesn’t matter if the leader they’re electing is dumb and inexperienced af. At the end of the day, the things that matter most to them are 1) quick fixes like quick cash handed by corrupt candidates and 2) a leader who resonates well with their dense minds. No offense but Castro Jr. obviously has a very dense mind. And ‘ya know what they say, “The denser a man’s mind, the greater the power he can grab in this damn country.” I’m sure he’d like to keep his people’s minds dull for as long as he’s in power. In fact, I’m beginning to think the prolongation of online classes may be another one of the government’s dirty schemes to keep students’ minds dull and depressed af.

In case Castro Jr. wins the presidential race, I beg of you, DO NOT come home. I repeat, DO NOT come home. I know your situation there is far from ideal but please carefully consider your next steps, okay? Live illegally for all I care. The important thing is that you stay far far away from all the hubbub boiling in the Philippines.

On a lighter note, did I mention that after a long dry season, yer girl’s flower has finally been watered? Actually, I may have mentioned this to you and Fran hundreds of times over the phone. The long wait was worth it, S, and I’m glad I first did it with someone I love.

In connection to this, I’m so happy that you’ve found love in Spain. I always thought of you as a wild child at heart but this Alex guy seems to be bringing out the best in you. Take it from me, S, ‘tis your season to take things slow. Enjoy every moment with him while you can because you’ll never know what tomorrow brings.

Wherever you are, wherever you’re going, always keep Fran and I alive in your heart. Also, we should celebrate soon since you’re out of the academic rat race. Congratulations! Fran and I are very proud of you, proud of how brave you are for venturing unknown waters. Finally, now’s your chance to achieve our dream of becoming a part of the ABG club.

Yours always,

C