Playing with fire

Honest conflict has more social value than dishonest harmony.

J. Rogan

Pyrrophyta: The Fire Algae (Dinoflagellate)

Dear Charlie,

Our conversation yesterday was incredibly thought-provoking and enlightening. Once again, you've reinforced the importance of trusting my gut instincts, especially when they are loud and clear.

Throughout our lives, we've encountered many fascinating individuals, and one valuable lesson we've learned is that abuse can come in various forms. Often, our own eyes refuse to see the truth because we want to believe in the inherent goodness of others. Sadly, we often overlook abuse from those we consider friends or folks we thought we could trust. One particular form of emotional abuse that frequently goes unnoticed is gaslighting--a manipulative tactic where the abuser plants self-doubt and confusion in the victim's mind, ultimately exerting control and distorting their reality.

I'm glad that I sought your and Laura's second opinion on this matter. Otherwise, I would have continued feeling guilty about addressing the uncomfortable and unsettling behavior of this "friend."

Tell me Charlie, if I kindly asked you to respect my boundaries and cultural values, would you dismiss my feelings and label me as paranoid or untrusting? Would you downplay a situation to save your own skin and maintain the facade of innocence? Would you become defensive, even when I'm not attempting to start an argument but simply voicing a concern? Couldn't two folks simply agreed to disagree?

She was very fishy. Perhaps she was innocent, although it's more likely she wasn't. If she crosses my path again, I won't tolerate her behavior any longer, regardless of how innocent and charming she may appear to others. While I no longer fear being loved, I also no longer fear being disliked by others, regardless of their relationship with me.

You have always had an eagle eye, Charlie, and I'm immensely grateful for all the advice you've given me.

Always yours,

XX