Dear Rey

Dear Rey,

Has your mom mentioned she's been living in my mom's house for the past couple of god knows how many months already? I’m not really sure if you give af. Half the family has already disowned you and your brother except your mom, your mom can never disown you, not even after everything that happened. I don't think any mom has it in them to disown their kids...Anyhow, you'd be lucky to find this letter buried in the dark web although you're a bloody genius so I'm sure you'd crack it. In the event that you do, here's some things I need to tell you:

First thing's first. How's your brain? I hope it's not so fried from all the Clozapine you've been injesting. Last time mom saw you, she said you've grown into a handsome man, a handsome man who hardly recognized her and your own mother. They told me you looked so spaced out, zombie-like, in a state of lethargy and disorientation. God, I'd really hate to be in your shoes. Although that's your life right now and by the time you read this you'd probably won't give a damn about how outsiders think of you. In fact, caged in a nuthouse or not, I don't think anyone should really give that much importance about how others think of them.

I didn't really come here to spiel like sad sally party pooper. I think I've gotten over that phase. In fact, I haven't been up in my head lately. The feeling has been quite liberating and surprisingly very good. There are slow days but most have been consistently like a light steady flow. It's like, I couldn't even hold any hatred in me anymore—not to myself nor to anyone. Painful memories would sometimes still resurface here and there but I've been learning a helluva lot about memories. The strength of which can only be determined by the charge of emotions you attach to it. The less emotions I attach to the memory, the less I give af about the memory. Eventually I'd forget about it. I've gotten a knack of not giving af about memories, regardless whether or not it's positive or negative. The bottomline is, we have an innate power to filter out our memories. I wish I can show you some tricks up my sleeve once you get outta that hellhole. Imagine, Rey, once you learn these methods, you and your brother will finally be given a chance to rewrite your tragic life and to not let your past take a hold of you so much. Everyone deserves a second chance to rewrite their lives even when you think you're a rot.

The most vivid memory I have of you and your brother was when we were kids and went on a short road trip. The destination wasn't very memorable to me. The crème de la crème was the trip itself. You and your brother sat behind me in the car and all the while, you two were caught up in a big brawl. I don't think you both noticed since you seemed too preoccupied with what you were doing but the whole trip, I tried to cry myself to sleep. I couldn't help it. I've never felt that heavy in my life. It was like a heavy rain cloud was up above my head, waiting to pour. I swear, I was so stressed because of you two. The worst part was, if you knew I was stressed out, you both would've probably been real proud of yourselves. That was when I figured out the high chances of you two ending up where you are now...

Honestly, I was thinking about it Rey, I was thinking about erasing you and your brother permanently from my memory but I figured, by doing so, I'd deny my family. Mom's top advice: never share you and your brother's and even Will's and Mama and Papa's stories to anyone, not even to those real close to me. It's obvious that she's not proud of our family's history. You know my mom, she tends to keep up a front even when it's clear that she's hurting deep down. I get her tho. I've witnessed people walk out of my life after finding out hard stuff about me, about us. Funny part was, some of them asked for the stories. A part of me is actually relieved they're outta my life. In the first place, I don't think you or anyone should hold space for people who are incapable of leaning into discomfort and who are only there when you're carefree and feeling jolly good.

Anyway, I shouldn't have denied you, Rey. Although if I did, you'd probably understand why. I'm sorry. You're not meant to be kept in the dark.